Haunting

It's funny how the past always finds its way back to me, with me. To have thought that I could, had, finally let go. It's funny. Sad. There you go, I found my motivation. My it.

Why won't you let me go?

Not Real

So pretty, but not real...

It's Like a Game

How many different fronts you can put up, at once.

It's Sad

I keep giving excuses for myself.

Familia

 

Thanks for being my support when I was weak, for being courageous when I wasn't, and for loving me always.

If snowflakes would come and go, why wouldn't you?

This Christmas, I only want to thank God for people. Precious people He has selectively put beside me. Thank you, thank you all. I can't express well but I hope you'll know how much each of you mean to me. God, I don't know what I did or what I didn't do, but I'm glad You decide to keep them for me.

Blessed Christmas, everyone. There's always hope, there's always love and there's always a tomorrow you can strive for.

Meteor Shower

• A caramel-coloured hammie with a slide for that baby.
• A Nintendo to play Pokemon.
• /Or to just play Pokemon.

• pretty, pretty things.

Enough is Subjective

Taking solace in holding Eireen's hand tonight. She is like an older sister sometimes. And biting down on my lips so I won't cry.

I Would

I'm a mad moody ungrateful bitch that should be packed and sent away.

I would hate myself.

Split

You don't know my story. You don't know me. It is like the first day you are meeting me. This is our first day.

Hi, I'm Lilian.

(?)

This is not healthy. I don't think this is healthy.

I wanna getaway, way, way

I didn't even get to mention; Singapore again in December. :) Best news!! (Depressing part of it though, is that Lynnette won't be with me, us, because exams.)

I remember how I used to go so often when my dad worked there for 2 years.

How beautiful Orchard Road lights up during the nights leading to Christmas. (My dad already texted me about how Orchard is ready!)

How I take random trains and stop at random stops and eat what I want and walk where my feet takes me.

How I enjoy being part of a crowd not rushing to go anywhere, not needing to do anything, just being there.

It's the Childlike Wonder

It's funny, sometimes ridiculous even how much you can learn from someone younger. I've never ever thought someone could instill so much hope in me, a dying dream. Their faith encourages me and I feel like me again, like I can do anything. Call it naivety, call it childish but that's exactly why we all need some of this. To blindly walk on a path and put all trust in God, to experience some sort of fear but also a reassurance that we'll make it out of this alive. It's the childlike wonder I've lost, and long to grasp once again. I ask for it again but I guess He gives in forms of people.

And God has been good, He has put good people around me and I know you know who. It's you :) I never do say thank you enough. Thank you(s).

Now, I realised I can't go yet, no not yet. It wasn't His calling, just me always wanting to escape. It's funny how when I thought I could just drop everything and leave. But He isn't finished with me here. I am not finished with me. But when that time calls, I hope I'll have that courage myself. That final confirmation, reaffirmation, one final push. No what ifs, just go.

No what ifs, just go.

Do you think I'm pretty enough?

B.S.I.T

What if.. I cannot reach your expectations?

iLike

I'd like to say I'm very selective, yup, that's the word (like a semi-permeable membrane ha ha *nerd glasses) which explains why if I like something, I listen to the same thing again and again. And the best part is! I don't even get bored easily. There are only so many that I can say I actually like and by my (probable) definition: if it makes me feel something or makes me wanna write on something. I guess I'm not a venture-person which really, justifies the fact that I am indeed lazy.

So anyway, enough of me, everything's about me me me me me, let's talk Muuuuuse!

Now this, I like! It makes me feel like I'm losing my sanity bit by bit over time but I guess we all need some'o that. Panic Station and The 2nd Law of something something; man, crazy stuff.

Also, finally heard The Killers' Battle Born, same ol' sound which I, very loikes.

Harpie Tusday, everyone!
:)

If We're Gonna Die Young

I know I have two left feet but I've always wanted to learn how to dance. I think it's a beautiful art alongside singing, of course. Aih, ma, why you no force me to dance lessons last time. Even if I want to start now, I'll be too stiff.

Oh well. Bucket list?

That's A Lot of Very(s)!

Very very very very very very happy today. Haven't felt like this in a very long time. The power of some things.

Mood: Incredible

Anyway..

 

 

 

Here's a message!

 (Album: Healing Process)

 

The Movement

"With God, there is no still. You're either moving towards or moving away." -Ps Daniel

I completely froze. And it scared, no scared is not the word scared is an understatement, it terrified me that one of it might be true. Ps Daniel always strikes a chord in me whenever he speaks; maybe it's the experience, maybe it's his job, maybe it's his missionary heart but his urgency, I feel it. And his urgency has of course, made me feel like I've disappointed myself.

It IS time to move.

It is also scary how Auntie Moni seems to know even if I don't word it out. She worded it out and she is amazing. Scarily amazing. And I love her so much. What would we- I do without this family.

In Due

Can I just write forever?

Irony

• I was always one to do what others do.

• I was going to write a long-ass post about injustice & stuff but I never was one to write long stuffs, my attention span do not allow me so.

• You say you're a __ lover but you don't give things a chance. Again I say, pretentious.

• Drowned myself in beautiful music & ready to go eat my mutton curry.

What is the Law?

"My only crime was to be poor."

The injustice ate at me. I never was one to be good with topics of justice. And I'm not going to dwell on all this whys because my mom said "The world is not fair sometimes". And I agree.


"Let's not change the world but make a new one for you and me." Nell
Just wishful thinking.

Psychedelic

 

This album is beauty. Funny really when you can't understand a word, even when it's in an entirely different language but you just somehow know. Like it somehow bridges itself and manages to get across.

Cynics and Songs

Think I'm getting a little cynical little as of now. Maybe a little shut-in. Angry. And sad. And fine. And self-centered. And too much thinking thinking thinking oh thoughts.

And it is possible to love someone so much for their voice? Stranger, no less.

Taste(s)

SO pretentious, so stupid.

First is Regret, And They Say It's the Worst

Ah, it's November already.

And I am disappointed. I disappoint myself. I think life has passed me by too much, too fast while I was at a standstill. One being I haven't done the things I said I would.

Another being I haven't done enough.

In a Different Dimension, Lifetime

Things left unsaid could be one of the biggest regrets.
Regret could be the biggest regret.

Grab This, Won't You Grab Me?



So beautiful. Ed, why Ed, why. I'm reading a book and the words aren't hard, no codes, no dictionaries.

And if I could, I'd post up every song cos' he's amazing. And I can.



(Ron has grown! And I chuckled at the cheeseballs Harry Potter references.)




Just songs on replay.

Natural Disaster of Some Sort

It looks like Hurricane Sandy came over to the East as well. A little off coordinate, I'd think, but who knows. Who really knows.

Storyteller

Ed Sheeran is beautiful. He doesn't kind of sings well, he storytells. And the sound of a simple acoustic is amazing. Makes me want to pick it up again but we all know I'm not an instrument person. Can't have everything I want, can I. But I do wish I had magical fingers and not, only for tetris.

Am I good enough? Am I good enough?

Perspective

Uhm, how I've missed writing. I miss the days when Ms. Sim would give us random 1-word topics and I'd spent a good 15mins imagining new life.

I do wish I had more time to write about River. Then things would probably be a little less vague. I'd probably want to expand it into something bigger, longer. Someday. One day. Anyways, I do hope you can wrap around and decipher what's written beyond just a river; death then life and a cycle.

While I was watching a few videos and listening to great stuffs (read: Elevation Worship, Jesus Culture and Hillsong). I saw something of a laid out path today. Can't wait to go out.

River

There is a river outside my little cottage in the woods. It flows beautifully and the sound of water swishing against its kin is the most melodious sound to my ears. The little droplets of water are little musicians. They play the strings of harp, the stairs of keys, the sharpness of violin and the sounds sync in perfect harmony. It is the rhythm of hope and love. Oh, how I could just sit by the cool liquid warming my frozen feet and listen to it all day long. My personal symphony.

When light hover above the horizon, MY - I feel selfish towards it - little river gleams breathtakingly. The way a ray of Sun touches the surface shyly and how its offspring shines seven wondrous colours never ceased to amaze me. Sometimes, just sometimes, they glitter and shimmer as if on a night out in a summer disco. The blue, red, green, yellow flowers come dressed for the occasion, heads bobbing to the beat of bass. And if you come a little closer to my river, you can see tiny big, beady eyes staring back. How is my river giving life?

Then, the season of warmth and haze and green and brown comes. The burgundy, yellow, or even orange patterned leaves swirl around my river like a dance. A slow dance but not lacking in vigor. A gentle hurricane in the middle of the woods. White winged creatures scatter in the skies, a stark contrast againt the painted blue. Then the others start joining the symphony without a sense of tune. It is far from soothing but the soothe comes to me. A leaf will even descend to float on my river, swaying left to the left and to the right. Left. Right. My river is a jukebox, it seems.

Then slowly, I awaken to the sound of chill and barrenness. Where is my music? My river no longer plays for me. The water is still, cold, colder than ever. I no longer see its heartbeat and without it, I no longer see its life. The colour is drained from my art block and even the Sun shies away. Gold does not streak the front porch like it used to. I hated being outside. That night, I wept to myself and more nights after until there was no more. I was no more.

Time passes and slowly, slowly, the river awakens. Morning birds start their mindless chatter. The trees, rejuvenated from freshness. Spots of pink and red blotches the backyard like a deep blush on someone's face. The Sun smiled down at its friends and finally, oh finally, the river flows again in true grace and elegance. Their hopes, shared. A baby's cry in the distance destroys the still yet, they smile.

Hey

"Some people talk about finding God , as if He could get lost..."

Pew Pew Pew

Belonging

I went to a wedding today and it wasn't the best if I were to be honest. It was a bit crampy, a bit loud and so Chinese complete with karaoke sessions. Maybe it was the Avril Lavigne songs, maybe the loud yum-sengs, the beautifully taken pictures or maybe even exactly how Chinese it was, it was beautiful. Even today when the Disneyland uncle had his baby dedicated, I cried, I didn't even know why I did but again, it was just beautiful. Like I'd really love to get married like now and have a family. I really want all of that.

I need to go.

Little Puzzle Piece

I don't fit in.

Chance

"You only got one life so you better live it right."

A bit hormonal today and a bit upset and I can't even blame it on real hormones.

Norm and Content

In all honesty, I'll miss Singapore. I love Malaysia, I do, but people back home are getting me really riled up and not in a good way with that outrageous gay-lesbian article. I mean, are some people THAT uneducated?

On a lighter and very much happier note, the past week has been a dream. I've been walking, taking the train everyday and it was wonderful, I loved it. Things are happening on the street, I'm crossing the road with other people and it makes me feel so alive. No agenda, I wake up and rush for the breakfast buffet(sometimes I oversleep and miss it), I'm a regular so people in the hotel actually talk to me(the doorman even waves at me from afar), I walk out to the (proper)bus stop and decide where to go for the day, sometimes I just walk out for fun, walk anywhere and everywhere. I come home mid-afternoon and wait for my dad, we walk around while deciding where to have dinner, count our coins to buy Gongcha and buy chicken for supper then, take a bus back home. I can't help but think this is what life should be. It's beautiful, it really is.

Excite

And OH! I am off to SING KA POH tomorrow! So excites so excites, I haven't been this excited since I finished my Monday papers. To walk the streets alone and pretend I am somebody else. See you in 9 days!

 

 

Style is Personal

Affinity

This, this. Different language, universal emotion.

The Silence is Deafening

Music is emotion. Emotion is music. Nothing sings louder than emotion.

I saw this on tv and what. on. earth.

On a Journey to Search

I saw this somewhere, "Life is not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

Hm.

Hmm.

What ARE we looking for?

What Is This Life?

I realise every day with new realisations and discoveries, that life is just so much and more.
To put it simply, life is

Fly Me To The Moon

Btw, my attention span's so short that I can't remember half of what I want to write in the past 3 minutes. Damn. And I think too much. Nah, just cut out and take part of my brain, someone, anyone. Don't wory, I am quite brainy. You can have it.

Ah, I think I'm going to bed.

Disoriented

Things have been going so well at home that it's almost unbelievable. My family now is everything I've always wanted from someone else's and we can only thank God. Everything being ok just makes me want to run away even more. Like I can leave without worrying about the other kids. I need to start my future somewhere else, I need to find myself, I need to know what I want. I don't belong here, in college, in  A-levels. Been crying more than not these few days and for no reason. My mood changes so abruptly it's quite scary. I am possibly bipolar. But I really need to just go somewhere. The idea of being in a foreign country and recklessly ambitious is really nice. Gives me a different kind of hope.

"New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There's nothing you can't do."

Perfectly Lonely

I've come to realise that I'm quite the loner. I don't really like company. I'm satisfied just sitting in a room and maybe just with my sister. If people don't come talk to me, neither will I go to them. I like keeping to myself, not asking how someone is today, not introducing myself and making small talks with new people because I'm not gonna lie to myself. I like just being alone. And all this despite my loud persona.

Time and Love

Today, we are beyond blessed. I have never grasped the idea of God's timing but what seemed like unanswered prayers and an ignorant God just showed how human we are and how mighty a God we have. I have always believed in love despite everything that happened. I once read a book with love so beautiful that I want that. It might be made up, it might not but I WANT THAT. Love is beautiful. It could be a lot of things, it could build, it could kill, but it is beautiful. You can't just give up, let go because something happened.  If God can give, you can take a chance. Have a little faith in love. Have a little faith in God.

Let's Just Run Away

Today I told my mom I am not going to med school. I told my mom I want to sing. And she asked me if I was just going to stop studying. I asked her back if God opened doors, will she let me? "I'll let you go." And honestly, I have no clue. I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I want to do so many things and nothing. Somedays, I think I want to grab a packed bag, run out of house and just run run run run until I decide I want to settle somewhere, do odd jobs, work out who I am. And it might take forever, I might not even figure anything. I might be wasting my entire life. And somedays, I just want to go to uni, I don't know.

I love this writing thing. Maybe I can take this up.

But I do love my mom so so much.

Rollercoaster Ride

When have I become so weak? When did I stop trying, striving?

Why do the things that don't even matter, suddenly matter?

Are They Important?

Why do we care so much about the way we look, how we act, the clothes we buy and what people think of us? When did we start? Why did we start?

Why are we so of the world?

Extremes

And I've learnt that we cannot compare.

Neither to the more fortunate nor to the less.

You cannot ask how can someone be living large, eating well, enjoying life when people are suffering out there. Someone once told me that what is theirs is theirs, what is yours is yours. You can only appreciate what you have.

If you question this, wouldn't you be at fault for living healthily and enough as well? If everyone were to compare themselves with the less and tried to live like the less, it goes back into a circle doesn't it? Is there a point to it?

Extremes exist because God has His plans. Don't judge, don't slander, appreciate.

Memememememe

HAHAHAHAHA LAUGH UNTIL STOMACH ACHE OMG BYE GUISE.

Goat-Tea-Yea

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Going through stupidly hilarious memes with my sister and in a REALLY good mood now :D

Ariels

ROFL

I cried.

A War Yet To Be Won

Today sis Kim whispered to me "there's something about you that you shine so brightly," and "You are special, you are so so special," over and over again. I've never felt like that, so loved, in a long time. Am I worthy? I don't feel worthy. Disgusted. I am disgusting. I am a mess. Why do You love me?

Surrounded

Some days feel more alone than others. Some days feel like giving up.

Why I Zone Out So Much

I have found a lot of comfort zones. Like how I suddenly realised why I used to be (and still is) able to just play Minesweeper the entire day was because I found comfort in it. I cease thoughts, concentrate on little tiles trying to avoid bombs. Or how I always, ALWAYS play Bubble Buster over and over and over again. Or Tetris, when I needed to get out of the world for a mo. I don't not have a life, I'm just a bit tired of life I guess. And of course there are the lovely line of friends I have whom recently, I've found more comfort in than the games.

Cry

I want to be a singer. I don't want to be scrutinized. I don't want to be a hit. I don't want to be flocked by people all the time. I don't want people to treat me differently. I just wanna share, I just wanna sing you know.

This Faith

One thing I have always known since young was that God has always granted me favours in my studies. Eventhough I was always lazy. Eventhough I wasn't the hardest worker in the shed, God has always granted me good results. And sometimes I get really scared that if I sinned, He'll someday take away the magic that has blessed me. But this, I am very very grateful for.

Beautiful Babies

SHEEEEEETTTTTTT. They're back! T.T

Search

"One thing about God is that He is easy to find." -Desperate Housewives

18

You know when they say you find yourself when you're 18? I thought I lost myself when I turned 18. I didn't know myself anymore at 18. I thought God had left me on the sidewalk, didn't want me and my crap anymore. Like a parent would, gave up on me. I stopped believing, maybe.

I remember though on my birthday two years ago, on the 8th of June, I did something I probably will regret until the day I die out of pure anger. Then, I also felt God left me even after I prayed and prayed.

But He proved me wrong again with His wisdom. Then it hit me a few days ago, SO MUCH has changed since then, I learnt to forgive, my prayer took life bit by bit. I was so caught up with something else that I didn't see the other blessing and I can only ask; How does He know when the right time is??

 

 

                                                                                                                 

Hello Time!

Hai guiseeee! The holidays are doing me good. Plenty of time to think, bercouch potato-ing and sleepz!

So yesterday the (slightly autistic, some more than others) kids of class PM14 went to La-la-laaagooooonnn! It's really been a while since I've been there and this could possibly be the first time with da friends. Honestly, I've been loving my class more these days. I had my doubts the first few weeks, I didn't think I'd like them that much but I'm glad I do now. Bryan, the loud and sometimes autistic kid. Ee Jian, boy who counted his name wrongly. And even Alvin, super nerd who isn't all that nerd after all. :)

It was great! With the bad haze and hot crap weather, the cold water felt really good. I want to say that it was relaxing but it wasn't! I came back with a migraine and REALLY SORE LIMBS THAT I  COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT. HAHA. This really says something about my fitness level actually. :D

• A PM14 holiday ✓

Sou, that leaves

• Writing up my long-postponed-that if I do not pass up again my teacher is going to eat me-testimonial by this Sat night. A decent one. Yeap no problem.
• Watch at least half of Game of Thrones and Desperate Housewives or Saphna is going to spoil the damn ending!
• Read at least half of the first book of Sherlock LAWL I KNOW. MY SLOW READING HABIT IS BACK.
• Catch up with the canteen gang! OMG IT HAZ BEEN FOREVER.
• Do a good amount of thinking, planning, something.
• Rebuild a relationship with God.

Okay, so this is where I stop and say I'm being realistic here with the halves and everything! Haha. I have two weeks SO CALL ME teeehee.

Road Gangster!

SO! I've started to terrorize the road again! HAHA. (inserts YAY!) I have officially driven myself to college and thank God the Sri KL kids are on break or else I wouldn't reach on time or even reach for that matter what more with me leaving at 6.50 today. I feel so responsible now. Hehe. I had a nice parking (not the far-ass in front of Jojo's parking) and when I did park my car, I saw my friends and got really excited so I quickly ran out BUT. I forgot to pay get the parking ticket. So I ran to the nearest paystation but (surprise surprise) I forgot my coins. (DUH LILIAN.) So I ran back to my car to get all the damn coins and ran back to the paystation. Then back to my car to put the parking ticket. THEN realise I forgot to turn off my lights. Hurhhh. Honestly, I don't fancy driving. I'd rather Nette drive me for the rest of my life. But that's not gonna happen so I just have to keep being responsible!

And the keyword just now was "I FEEL RESPONSIBLE" ok. HAHA.

AND MY CAR IS STILL YET TO BE NAMED. :(

Underwater

At one point, I think you've crushed me. With school and everything that comes along, I don't think I can handle anything else. But you were selfish and there is not enough space. I need space before I break.

Thin Cracker

Stop expecting from me please. I cannot take all of this. Please, stop.

4: Approval

Approval is what you ask and approval will not always be received. Not by everyone.

Childlike

I never, ever, thought I had to stumble across the question: Head or Heart? Not because I had no conflict but because there was no question. I knew the answer. I thought I knew the answer. I used to read random blogs and scoff at them who even considered a question like this. Heart of course. (duh) Was there even competition? The heart would always win because I'd rather something I love for the rest of my life more than anything. I didn't want to be stuck in an office job that I'd hate after 5 years and groan about on Sundays. That was my reason.

But that was me as a 17 year-old. I really thought I had it all planned out perfectly. But what is perfect, really? Throughout high school, I never once thought I would want to do something else other than medicine. I never really worried, honestly. Even when Lynnette was struggling, it all seemed so distant to me, so detached. And I used to tell her, "Do what you want, of course." That was me. Young.

I really think age has started destroying my heart little by little. The head speaks logic, really. And logic is how many get by in life. Money, success, logic. Logic is simply, something that you cannot deny no matter how much you want to. The head asks, persuades, what is to your future then if you follow your heart? And I just cannot help it but to worry, to start taking responsibility over my parents and their future, my future family and their future. Age has made me reason. I think I finally understood during service today why God loves the little children so much. They are so simple, so full of love, passion, hope. Naive. And being naive in this case is nothing wrong that I wish I could be childlike again.

But even now, the heart still wins. By God's grace, it always will.

Those Days..

Where I want to go on a nice holiday where it's cold (but not too cold because I just cannot take it) (like Cameron) so I can sit atop a hill to read.

Or to the beach! To play with sand all the day long and just bask in (just nice) sun.

Or maybe I just need to do something I love. Or/And get a new computer because this one has started to crash and the speakers are starting to die. Someone, get me a whole new set of computer!

Peace

They started one night - 29th December 2009. The dreams. I remember it so clearly as if etched in stone. It felt like a train had hit me and left me to wither on the tracks - and hit me hard, it did. I'd wake up in cold sweat with the memories of them fading in and out of my head like a dying melody and I'd be left to ponder if they were dreams or reality as it is. But then I see half a leg tangled among the sheets; a faithful evidence remains, a painful reminder that those were no mere dreams.

Every detail carved itself onto every part of my brain. Every single detail, I remember. The shrieks of children, the stones of buildings crumbling, bright fiery flame licking the night sky. They haunted me. Sometimes, I could call myself lucky when they came in short staccatos. Touching me shyly before withdrawing. Lucky. But they never never stopped coming. Sometimes, sometimes they change and I notice because I'd memorised it. But only in the slightest because it doesn't matter, no. I'd know what would come next. They all end in the same way. Flesh silenced by metal. It was a rerun of a bad movie I never want to lay eyes upon again.

I was plagued by terror, by fear like never before. Begs and pleas left unheard echoed in my head. Taunting me. They grasped me mercilessly and never showed signs of letting go. Never. It was a bad dream that I wanted to wake up from. Needed to wake up from. I wanted to chuck it away in the deepest recesses of a black hole.
For now I tell you, I've lived - if living is what you call this - in this grey twilight long enough. I couldn't reach far enough to catch reality in my hands nor was I swallowed whole by the past. Strapped down by the regrets of a yesterday and still lost in the hope of a tomorrow.

This is a story of a man who fought many wars and earned victories in them. A man who strived to find peace after. Today, I lay in my dying bed writing this to say I am sorry, I am truly truly sorry. I have finally found the peace I've searched for. I found Him. I found God. And I hope this peace will make its home in me because if it doesn't, I might weep more tears for the lost.

8th April 2012

Cutie Pie

I AM A SAP. I AM A SAP. I AM A SAP.

hurhurrrrrr. I love you, you and your voice, you beautiful, adorable, small-eyed man!

3: Patience

God is teaching patience in the wilderness. And I, am a student of this class.

He Makes No Mistake, I Am Not A Mistake

I think I've been getting by better these days. Everyday doesn't feel like a regret or a mistake anymore. It now feels safe and in simple terms, normal. Normal is what I long for now, not routined, not boring, just normal. Then again, I ask myself, am I really ready to leave normal behind? But let's leave that to God for now, He knows best.

I am glad that this Good Friday/Resurrection Sunday has finally come to a close. I kind of miss it honestly, it's been a part of me for a while; watching reruns of Jesus/Joseph falling over and over again, hearing my own song, getting sick of my own song(LOL), wanting to try Joylynn's song, getting scared under Ps. Joshua's close scrutiny, I do miss it all. Speaking of which, I can never comprehend how God is all-knowing. He knows what I really need and when I do need it and the play, was what I really needed. Thinking back when Sis. Kim actually approached me, I didn't want to do it what with my future crisis and my depressed state but of course, with her smiles, who would say no? Who COULD say no? Haha. But hey, turns out to be one of the greatest blessing in my life. It took me out of the path of self-destruction, pulled me back to God and put my focus back to whom it belongs to; God. And if any, He gave me confirmations. That my time will come.

I feel grateful for so much today! One being the many great people around me. Blessed Resurrection Day, everyone! I believe it's never too late because Jesus is alive everyday. I must not take life for granted again. Who dares to say everyday's a mistake when such a price has been paid for each day? Not me, :D

Warm In Heart

Yesterday, the cutest little Malay boy ever waved at me and it made me warm and happy. I guess little things still do excite me.

In a lighter mood today, thank God. :) Light's seeping in more through this stained glass today.

Only the shadows of a shadow

The one who is tickled by the smallest things. The one who doesn't care how the world views, sees, or judges. The one who doesn't worry too much and is not afraid to surrender. The one who doesn't have to decide between her heart and head.

Where did I go?
I want to be that happy girl again.

Que Sera, Sera

Half awake in the car with the same Hillsong CD playing over and over again each day. It has now become a familiar, comfortable even, routine. My thinking sanctuary and has possibly morphed into my if not only, one of few comfort zone. Accompanied by the Sun in Its slow ascend up, yet to shine in all fiery glory; a new day gifted by grace. It is the hope of a new day. What could go wrong? What could go wrong?

You

Maybe it was always going to be you.

Maze

So nice to see people doing what they love and passionate for. What the hell am I doing in A-levels? What the hell am I even doing? I feel warm in my heart seeing people chasing the dream and at the same time I feel so so selfish. I WANT that. Why do they get to find out their direction when I am lost? I've done everything right up till now or at least I think I did. Is this my dream? Or is this dream for me?

Tear

Is this really our time of trial? This generation? I love you so so much, as my best friend, as a fellow dreamer, thinker, the one who understands the same thing that I do. Maybe we're too much alike, maybe that was why we never were meant for each other from the start. And I thank God for that because you're one of my best friends now. It is painful to see you suffering this much and that I never knew beyond your mask. You make stupid jokes about everything, about me and laugh like an idiot and all this while, you were trying to help me to get through. I feel selfish.

I wish I had that passion like yours. And I pray your tears will not be lost.

From a best friend.

2: Counting

So much to be thankful for. Learning to appreciate. Tough one!

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go
By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

The Walking Dead

I've been so hooked on The Walking Dead(and finished the second season already YAY) recently. It is just your typical unlogical zombie apocalypse show(in which i question a lot of things) which feeds your pure, gory zombie needs and it is awesome. :D And my only problems are:

1. I am stressed out of ma pants. (by the "walkers" AND the fact that Season 3 is not coming fast enough!)

2. Everyone is starting to have an attitude on the show.

3. Korean boy is TOO CUTE.

Road Bump

A little curious, maybe some butterflies but, un-nervous. God is good and He will love me the same no matter what. Saving just a little space for disappointment tho. Hehe. Hopefully it ends well, but if not, who cares, it really isn't the end. The end, is much more beautiful. Goodnight! :)

Found

That one thing, it makes me so happy. Am I really ready to leave normal behind?

Temporary

The days are getting better. Quiet, even. No runaway thoughts. Thanks for the rest, mind. Thank You God.

1: Forgive

I think I can finally say that I've learnt to forgive you. I'm sorry and I forgive you.

What's New

Hello hello. :)
Been a while since I typed so furiously on a keyboard. Soouu..

I'm a college girl now!! :) Oh how time flies. To be honest, it's pretty much school; I still wake up at 5.30, STILL struggle my ass off bed, STILL sleeping in the toilet and STILL running late, just fun-er.

Second! I am so un-last minute-y now like you wouldn't believe!

Third, I am (quite literally) terrorizing the road now. ;)

So, life has been much tougher now. I think this is really my time of "wilderness". But God is tougher. See you on the other side. :)