Childlike

I never, ever, thought I had to stumble across the question: Head or Heart? Not because I had no conflict but because there was no question. I knew the answer. I thought I knew the answer. I used to read random blogs and scoff at them who even considered a question like this. Heart of course. (duh) Was there even competition? The heart would always win because I'd rather something I love for the rest of my life more than anything. I didn't want to be stuck in an office job that I'd hate after 5 years and groan about on Sundays. That was my reason.

But that was me as a 17 year-old. I really thought I had it all planned out perfectly. But what is perfect, really? Throughout high school, I never once thought I would want to do something else other than medicine. I never really worried, honestly. Even when Lynnette was struggling, it all seemed so distant to me, so detached. And I used to tell her, "Do what you want, of course." That was me. Young.

I really think age has started destroying my heart little by little. The head speaks logic, really. And logic is how many get by in life. Money, success, logic. Logic is simply, something that you cannot deny no matter how much you want to. The head asks, persuades, what is to your future then if you follow your heart? And I just cannot help it but to worry, to start taking responsibility over my parents and their future, my future family and their future. Age has made me reason. I think I finally understood during service today why God loves the little children so much. They are so simple, so full of love, passion, hope. Naive. And being naive in this case is nothing wrong that I wish I could be childlike again.

But even now, the heart still wins. By God's grace, it always will.