On a Journey to Search

I saw this somewhere, "Life is not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."

Hm.

Hmm.

What ARE we looking for?

What Is This Life?

I realise every day with new realisations and discoveries, that life is just so much and more.
To put it simply, life is

Fly Me To The Moon

Btw, my attention span's so short that I can't remember half of what I want to write in the past 3 minutes. Damn. And I think too much. Nah, just cut out and take part of my brain, someone, anyone. Don't wory, I am quite brainy. You can have it.

Ah, I think I'm going to bed.

Disoriented

Things have been going so well at home that it's almost unbelievable. My family now is everything I've always wanted from someone else's and we can only thank God. Everything being ok just makes me want to run away even more. Like I can leave without worrying about the other kids. I need to start my future somewhere else, I need to find myself, I need to know what I want. I don't belong here, in college, in  A-levels. Been crying more than not these few days and for no reason. My mood changes so abruptly it's quite scary. I am possibly bipolar. But I really need to just go somewhere. The idea of being in a foreign country and recklessly ambitious is really nice. Gives me a different kind of hope.

"New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of. There's nothing you can't do."

Perfectly Lonely

I've come to realise that I'm quite the loner. I don't really like company. I'm satisfied just sitting in a room and maybe just with my sister. If people don't come talk to me, neither will I go to them. I like keeping to myself, not asking how someone is today, not introducing myself and making small talks with new people because I'm not gonna lie to myself. I like just being alone. And all this despite my loud persona.

Time and Love

Today, we are beyond blessed. I have never grasped the idea of God's timing but what seemed like unanswered prayers and an ignorant God just showed how human we are and how mighty a God we have. I have always believed in love despite everything that happened. I once read a book with love so beautiful that I want that. It might be made up, it might not but I WANT THAT. Love is beautiful. It could be a lot of things, it could build, it could kill, but it is beautiful. You can't just give up, let go because something happened.  If God can give, you can take a chance. Have a little faith in love. Have a little faith in God.

Let's Just Run Away

Today I told my mom I am not going to med school. I told my mom I want to sing. And she asked me if I was just going to stop studying. I asked her back if God opened doors, will she let me? "I'll let you go." And honestly, I have no clue. I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I want to do so many things and nothing. Somedays, I think I want to grab a packed bag, run out of house and just run run run run until I decide I want to settle somewhere, do odd jobs, work out who I am. And it might take forever, I might not even figure anything. I might be wasting my entire life. And somedays, I just want to go to uni, I don't know.

I love this writing thing. Maybe I can take this up.

But I do love my mom so so much.

Rollercoaster Ride

When have I become so weak? When did I stop trying, striving?

Why do the things that don't even matter, suddenly matter?

Are They Important?

Why do we care so much about the way we look, how we act, the clothes we buy and what people think of us? When did we start? Why did we start?

Why are we so of the world?